yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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