he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
being pregnant is like rehab
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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