if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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