I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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