Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
