Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I can text with my tongue
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
