I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
