This is not my ceiling
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
