I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
