I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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