Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
