Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
