Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
