let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
