Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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