I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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