Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
