His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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