I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
