Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
