he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
