Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
