Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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