when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
