He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
