My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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