Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
