I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
