I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
FUCK WHALES
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
