matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
