You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
