I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
