I must be too annoying 4 u.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
