dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize
