I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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