My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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