i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
