haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
