What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
