Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
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Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
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Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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