May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
