Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
