hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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