You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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