are you still at the devil's house?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
