Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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