he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize