It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
