I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
