I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Ketchup is God's man juice
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
