you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
