my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
