Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
