I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
