I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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