My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Come on in and take your pants off
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