Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
