I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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