i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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