final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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