we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He kissed a someone with a penis
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire