There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!