I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I want to be your penis for a week.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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