how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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