Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?

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(914): is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville? http://tfl.nu/0twm

Replies (44) Good night (1615) Bad night (5745)
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(613): View more from Ontario

So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.

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(613): So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely. http://tfl.nu/77c9

Replies (58) Good night (8496) Bad night (2252)
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(207): View more from Maine

my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.

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(207): my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility. http://tfl.nu/43su

Replies (17) Good night (8641) Bad night (1028)
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(970): View more from Colorado

do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?

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(970): do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom? http://tfl.nu/19xa

Replies (55) Good night (1233) Bad night (17374)
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(905): View more from Ontario

I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd

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(905): I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd http://tfl.nu/je1e

Replies (6) Good night (1084) Bad night (2171)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?

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(314): I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season? http://tfl.nu/6vbo

Replies (6) Good night (1669) Bad night (653)
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(530): View more from California

Maybe I'm a robot.

(831): View more from California

You can't be that drunk already

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(530): Maybe I'm a robot. (831): You can't be that drunk already http://tfl.nu/ekm7

Replies (8) Good night (2273) Bad night (740)
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(706): View more from Georgia

they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.

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(706): they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking. http://tfl.nu/tfa8

Replies (6) Good night (1128) Bad night (754)
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(850): View more from Florida

I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.

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(850): I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK. http://tfl.nu/rcbs

Replies (5) Good night (1717) Bad night (731)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.

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(502): I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon. http://tfl.nu/32fk

Replies (2) Good night (804) Bad night (715)
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(602): View more from Arizona

So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?

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(602): So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton? http://tfl.nu/2aht

Replies (2) Good night (812) Bad night (573)
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(443): View more from Maryland

My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"

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(443): My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch" http://tfl.nu/szrk

Replies (4) Good night (1641) Bad night (601)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming

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(715): Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming http://tfl.nu/sgtd

Replies (1) Good night (818) Bad night (342)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.

(848): View more from New Jersey

No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.

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(732): I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab. (848): No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've. http://tfl.nu/k222

Replies (6) Good night (1050) Bad night (325)
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(315): View more from New York

i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely

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(315): i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely http://tfl.nu/vc4m

Replies (3) Good night (746) Bad night (585)

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