Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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