Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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