On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
