I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i think my cat just said my name.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.