you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
