Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
