bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
