rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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