Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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