He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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