ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
