Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
At least life still wants to fuck me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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