Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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