she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
