I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
